Relationship with your parents
Have you ever meditated on how much the generations of
our parents and grandparents have endured in their life?
Often I am faced with clients who blame and are angry at the
parents, and some of them rightfully so.
Certain relationships have just gone beyond the point of repair
and it is so sad that we live in this way – incomplete, heart closed,
isolated from our direct family, in defence mode,
layers of acting like everything is ok.
Beneath the surface, tells another story.
The story of longing for connection.
The story of deep sadness. The grief of loss.
The story of not belonging and feeling isolated.
I don’t pick sides in any situation,
but I do support my clients to at least reach a point of understanding
and see what is true in the field of consciousness.
In this post, I would like to share some understanding with you.
A father is an alcoholic, emotionally detached,
very angry, aggressive and abusive,
is not present to his children or his wife and treats them disrespectfully.
We dislike that behaviour!
But would you blame him if you found out
that his mother was abused by her stepfather and he was born from that,
then he was abused by priests at 12 years old.
Would you hold it against him if he had no way of working through those
traumas and ended up holding the anger
and drowning his shame with alcohol?
Unfortunately, there are suffering from such circumstances
and what we do is to judge and blame them.
These secrets held have kept the older generations trapped and future
generations suffering as a result.
This man’s daughter is confused, overworked, insecure, constantly suffering from
making decisions for herself and ends up constantly compromising herself.
Can you see how these generational patterns
can affect you, your children and their behaviour?
Another young lady was afraid of being close to her father.
She felt unsafe.
As a personality, she would be very closed up, extremely shy and reserved.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I worked with her but
what happened surprised me.
I noticed that she was carrying so many mixed emotions that she could not separately identify.
The emotions confused her and she didn’t know what to do with them.
Every time she felt an emotion she would shut it away.
I supported her to get in touch with each emotion, feel it, process it and allow it.
Then, I noticed something interesting.
All these emotions were not hers.
She was carrying them on behalf of her father.
Now it makes sense that she was afraid of him.
What she was actually afraid of
were the mixed emotions that he was carrying inside him.
When we gave them back to her father,
she could finally look him in the eyes and allowed herself to be ‘seen’.
She lightened up and then we began the journey of getting her
closer to her father where she eventually gave him a hug
and allowed herself to feel safe in her father’s embrace.
The fear she had was not fear of her father.
It was of his emotions that she unconsciously felt.
I share this with you so you can gain some perspective.
Perhaps the distance between you and your parent is not as it seems
and they are carrying pain or trauma that is not being honored.
You cannot do the work for them but you can work on yourself.
Through that, you have the power to liberate them
and future generations to come